"There is nothing to be made right with him. Just as there is nothing to be made right with me. We are the products of our circumstances but we have survived. We have endured. We have come out harder for it." That- that he has to put forward- there is nothing that needs fixing in either of them. They aren't broken. Just...different. Honed at a slightly harder edge than the rest of the world. Sharper, crueler, but just as worthy of what he seemed to have found with these two. What he's afraid of losing.
"...humor. I was, at first, humoring you. Both of you. It is not often a human man looks upon me in awe or appreciation. It felt...it feels. Good. To have that. Then it was curiosity after your own world and how it is you behave around me and then attraction, you both know you're ridiculously handsome that is beside the point-" An apology of sorts, this, for all that he felt raw and weary and unsteady. "Then the dying and the living after the dying without the desire and...hope, I think? Which is what I have lost. But not for anything you have done or not done. The war stole it from me. Fighting my way through the alienage, walking over the bodies of what could have been my slaughtered kin? What I have seen. What I have lived through has made me question many things, especially upon my return here. I care for you both and I know you care for me but- in my world there is no such thing as unconditional. There is always a line. I would never, but were I to take a knife to you- I would not want you to forgive that."
He took a slow breath and reached out to them, both of them. Wary. So, so wary. "There must be a limit. I do not know where that is anymore- if I ever did. I need one. Please. We can...start there and speak of the rest."
no subject
"...humor. I was, at first, humoring you. Both of you. It is not often a human man looks upon me in awe or appreciation. It felt...it feels. Good. To have that. Then it was curiosity after your own world and how it is you behave around me and then attraction, you both know you're ridiculously handsome that is beside the point-" An apology of sorts, this, for all that he felt raw and weary and unsteady. "Then the dying and the living after the dying without the desire and...hope, I think? Which is what I have lost. But not for anything you have done or not done. The war stole it from me. Fighting my way through the alienage, walking over the bodies of what could have been my slaughtered kin? What I have seen. What I have lived through has made me question many things, especially upon my return here. I care for you both and I know you care for me but- in my world there is no such thing as unconditional. There is always a line. I would never, but were I to take a knife to you- I would not want you to forgive that."
He took a slow breath and reached out to them, both of them. Wary. So, so wary. "There must be a limit. I do not know where that is anymore- if I ever did. I need one. Please. We can...start there and speak of the rest."