z_jay | Luceti | Appointments

[Loki tugs Eugene's hand from his shoulder insistently, but instead of trying to cast him aside, he weaves their fingers together and presses it to his chest, then covers their joined hands with his other hand. It's a much more desperate gesture than he likes making.

And when he speaks, his voice is very, very small.]

Then talk to me. I can't see.

[Loki hadn't told him that directly, but Jack had mentioned in particular what may have been afflicting Loki upon his return. He reached for another chair, scooted it closer and took a seat without pulling away]

I know. And it's... it's my fault. If not entirely, at least partially.

[He settled his free hand over those already joined.]

You needn't feel like I don't want you around. I'd rather you be around, considering you died saving me and Jack. Considering that we are friends, and I'll admit we need you around.

Hah. If you asked my lady, it'd probably be my fault for being an idiot.

[Perhaps unfair to Rogue, but he also thought she'd consider it the right point. She did the hero...thing. Presumably they didn't spend all of their time being angry at the people they'd saved when things went badly.

Really, if he was going to be annoyed with anyone, it would be Jack for dying anyway. But he had a difficult time saying angry with Jack about much of anything thus far.]

So, I’m asking you. Why’d you… why’d you risk yourself like that? For me and Jack? Or for something else? I don’t know everything that happened, but you were different…

[Fatigue could have been the culprit, even gods needed time to recuperate, but… his actions has felt deliberate, raw, shattered. Friends were there to try and understand the bad with the good.]

Rogue’s nice, but I already spoke with her about some things. I’m more interested in what you think.

[He shrugs his shoulders faintly.]

Why is it such a difficult thing to understand? [Because Loki is a selfish, cowardly creature, obviously. Hadn't he just made that point to Steve Rogers just hours before he'd gotten killed? Hah, the irony of a cruel universe.]

I'm weary of losing people that I love. There are few enough of you to begin with.

[Rogue spoke to him about things? It's a statement greeted with perhaps duller interest than it could be, something to be blamed perhaps on feeling so hopeless about everything. It only made sense, he supposed. Jack had been dead. Loki had been dead. Rogue had like wished to know why.

Apparently Eugene hadn't had a good answer for her. She hadn't really liked the real one at all, anyway.]

Oh.

I hope it was a pleasant conversation.

[Talking to people? So much easier when you don't have to be honest with them.]

[To be included in that class of people, those that Loki admitted to loving... he couldn't help the soft smile. Even if it wasn't in fact him that had been on the Shift, he remembered it all as though it were his memories.

His hands shifted, working their way to holding Loki's hands, using his thumbs to give an affectionate and soft touch on the backs of his palms]

I can understand that. Sometimes it's just... nice to know, to be told. But-- the.... conversation with Rogue could have gone better. I'm pretty convinced she hates me. More than just me. But if our circumstances were different...

[He'd probably count her as an easy friend.]

[The overt affection made him smile, even if he shouldn't. Was this a traitorous act? Was it wrong that it made him feel a bit warmed, a bit safer, a bit like he did when he was with Rogue and things were peaceful?

He'd think about it later and no doubt torment himself about it. For now he wanted to enjoy it.]

True. Things unspoken... [Have a way of never being said until it was far too late. Hadn't he learned that, and painfully?]

I... haven't really asked how she might feel about you. I've been avoiding the topic entirely since the day I returned. [Was that dishonest of him? It had caused her such pain, and made him feel terrible as well.] I think she would like you.

[He sighs.]

I can't really figure out how she works, either. It must be a thing about ladies. Usually I get guys much better. [Though he did feel his gut twist somewhat at mention of Loki avoiding the topic. Part of him was optimistic that things would right themselves, but the pessimist in him felt like the writing could possibly be on the wall.]

She was nice-- forward, but nice. And I am pretty sure she wants to kill me? But that would kind of invalidate your uh... actions. But I do like her. One of the things I've learnt from being in relationships, though... communicate.

[he snorted softly, feeling foolish for his own failure at that] And listen. Say what you mean, hear what she's saying. She loves you, I can tell that much.

I would not claim that my lady is simple, or that I understand her fully. But above all things, she wishes to be fair. That is one of her most dearly held virtues.

[Forward but nice. That brings a fond smile to his face. That's what he'd liked about her, right from the beginning. He'd always had a weakness for women like that.

He sighs.] She knows where I stand. She knows that I love her. That I do not love her any less. And yet I have still betrayed her in my heart by having these other feelings. [His lips twist.] Though she has been very good to me, to say that I have broken no promise in truth as I have not done anything. What more is there to say?

[But it somehow feels inevitable, for all that he will fight it. Because he wants, and knows he should not want, but wants all the same. He's always been crap at denying himself things. But for her, he will try. Maybe it will be different this time.

But feeling their hands together, he doesn't have all that much confidence in the thought.] She does love me, though it seems I no longer deserve such loyalty. [A soft snort.] Tony Stark was so fond of saying that I destroy everything I touch.

Edited 2014-06-28 23:58 (UTC)

The Stark guy... the one who said he'd throw a zom on Jack if they showed up? Not exactly the kind of guy I would take to heart what he says.

[That had been hilarious-- but awkward, to say the least. Still, this situation was far more delicate, and he knew that Loki was brilliant. He had likely thought of all the possibilities he could grasp at, and he was left looking so... not necessarily defeated, but definitely conflicted.]

Shifts make folks do strange things. I'm actually a little glad I didn't meet Rogue for that one Valentine's Day, as I would have probably, well... Making out with every redhead I came across was kind of fun.

But aside from that... you can't help how you feel, you can only help how you respond to those feelings. Genius revelation, I know... but it's true. So beating yourself up for having feelings is kind of uh, stupid. But I like you, so I'll say it's ridiculous, instead.

Tony was an ass of the first water. But he was also hideously observant at times.

[He sighs.]

I am a chaos god. It is my nature to do as I want. [But no, digging more deeply into this isn't going to accomplish anything, is it? And it makes him sound so pathetically weak as well. Unable to control his feelings. Not even that, but driven by them! To do foolish things.

He isn't a fool. He isn't a fool. He's stronger than that, Better than that. He'll figure something out. He shakes his head.] Never mind, you are right.

[But he wants Eugene. He wants Jack. In much the same way he wants Rogue, though she comes always first in his concerns. And his mind strains to find a way that he can have all of these things he wants, because he refuses to believe a problem exists without a solution he can find and implement.

He will drive himself mad with this.

And he'd better divert the topic, he decides. He smiles crookedly.] You ought to tell me more of yourself, Eugene. Perhaps then I won't like you any longer.

Just because you're observant doesn't mean you know everything there is to know about someone. [Grinning a little, he ducked his head, refraining from mentioning that Rogue had asked the very same. It was true, though. Truer for him than for Jack, because Eugene generally kept to himself and only opened up when he was sure of the risk...]

Well, you... know the most interesting stuff about me already. Zombies, amputations, my thrilling love life with my beloved, and our quirky radio show... all the other stuff is pretty damn boring.

Yes, that would be a little silly. But it's more about knowing the pertinent things, yes?

[Eyebrows go up.] Is it really? There is nothing else to know, I've already got it all?

[Looking a little more thoughtful, Eugene tipped his head and thought back to what might be more pertinent]

I'm Canadian. Hailing from the west coast, British Columbia. I've got siblings, both younger. I've got a couple of tattoos... and I'm originally a food journalist. I mean, by comparison to you or ... most of the people in Luceti, I'm nothing. My claim to fame is documenting the grey-flu breakout on my cell.

Oh, one of those rotten older brother sorts. I don't know why I like you at all.

Tattoos? [Then he sighs.] Not as if I could see such things. [He finds them quite fascinating, though...at least when printed on the right skin.]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I am a god, after all. Few people can quite reach my level. [He grins.] What did you do with such documentation?

I'm the worst older brother, braiding my sister's hair and scaring off tramps for my brother. I can imitate a moose call. Comes in handy in the strangest ways.

And yes, tattoos. Mostly I have them on places I can easily cover on account of work, but... here.

[He shifted, taking Loki's hand and manipulating him to pointing with his index finger. Then he navigated him to press on dots along his shoulder, twisting so he could speak to him] This one's easiest to kind of see... I think. Constellation of my zodiac sign. It's just dots, no lines.

And what did I do with what documentation? The food stuff I wrote about? It went to the Weekend Magazine.

Oh, is that so? What must one do, to get you to make such a noise? [Oh dear, he's so bad at this trying to be good thing. Ugh.]

[He enjoys even that small, innocent touch, mentally mapping out the stars.] Of course there are no lines; there are none in the sky. Ah, that's... Thjazi. [He pokes to of the stars (or close enough, since he can't see them) lightly with his fingers.] Those are his eyes.

Ah no, I meant... you said you documented the outbreak.

Be my idiot little brother, I guess? [This is why he should just be himself and not try to be someone or something else other than who and what he is. Still, that name was utterly unfamiliar to him, but Loki was not incorrect to identify the eyes. Maybe it was a Lokiism.]

Well. I know it as Gemini. But Thazji or whatever is kinda cool, too.

[Something about his demeanor went a little guarded-- not guarded, just... quiet when Loki clarified. He had made it a point not to speak of specifics, but in his own way, for better or worse, he trusted Loki not to mock him too seriously. Mocking was par for the course, of course.]

In the SD card of my cell phone. It died... a while back. Two days after the power stations failed. It's been there ever since. No one wants to really look at it too closely for documenting purposes so far. Still kind of... raw.

Mmm. No one's idiot, I'm afraid.

Thjazi. [He smooths his hand over the tattoo like he will somehow read the ink with his palm.] A giant, actually.

[He cocks his head, considering the different quality of that silence. Then carefully, he reaches up to touch Eugene's cheek with his hand. Partially to feel for his expression, then to offer comfort. A selfish kind of comfort, really.]

So you have a tale that no one wants to hear.

You're probably a lot smarter than me, so if I call you an idiot, it's gotta be really dumb.

Also, giant? Is there more information at the library on that? Because if there's a different interpretation of this than I'm thinking, I'd rather know than not--

[It was an old habit, one honed through horrors and loss, to make light of it and move onward with what was important. Never look back, because looking back got good people killed. But it was difficult to keep up the act when Loki spoke pretty much through his attempts. His smile, Loki could feel, was a little strained, but not from Loki's proximity.]

Kind of two-fold. Don't wanna hear, don't really wanna tell. It's just... senseless loss and tragedy. But I can't... delete it or get rid of it.

Don't be hard on yourself. I'm a great deal smarter than everyone.

I don't know, really. I haven't bothered to see what books might be there about the lore of Asgard and the other realms. [Since he already knows all that lore.] What interpretation is it you have in your mind?

[He can feel that bit of strain, indeed, and acts unthinkingly to try to offer a bit of comfort, much like he would with Rogue. Their hands are still joined; he slowly strokes Eugene's fingers with his.]

It would be a bit like destroying a memory, I should think. Trying to make it as if it never happened to begin with. [He sounds thoughtful as he says those words.]

That makes me feel so much better, Loki. You're the best.

[Can you hear him rolling his eyes? It's because he knows it's the truth]

Gemini is more like twins? Dual-nature? I only know western zodiac stuff, and I'm going by the updated one, so... most people would argue I'm not Gemini.

[Eugene had always responded better to touch than to words. Words were distant things, things used for work, for transmitting information. Touch communicated through a different set of nerves and interpretations in the brain.]

Yeah, but it's important stuff. There'll be people who come after me who need to know what life was like before. Stuff's changed, maybe we have the chance to do things over. To remind people where we went wrong.

[Certainly, he felt safer in some respects, with being himself instead of on guard. He could be openly affectionate with Jack at Abel, as well as several others. That, in itself, was liberating]

I know I am. [Ehehehe.]

Dual nature? What are your two natures? [Eugene hasn't struck him as all that much like that.] I know not of those constellations, I'm afraid. Or the zodiac. Is it a method of divination?

[When the touch seemed to work as a means for soothing, he made a mental note of it, then continued that light touch. He felt rather soothed, himself.]

Mmm. It makes sense, to wish to know what happened before, yes. But why hold on to the pain of its ending?

[Alright, so he laughs a little, an honest kind, bubbling up softly before he cleared his throat]

Shut up. You're horrible, the worst. The best at being the worst. Bar none.

[Not that he was going to stop Loki. It felt nice, and it was harmless, and it was better than sitting across from Loki and just focusing on how he can't see a thing.]

My two natures? Are, uh... well, I dunno. You'd have to ask someone else who knows me, I guess. It's astrology, horoscopes, stuff that generalizes everything and makes it so that you can nearly identify with any of the signs, honestly.

....And we hold on because it makes us who we are. If not for the apocalypse, I wouldn't have Jack. Sometimes you come away with good out of the bad. I'd never have lost my leg, and as much as I want to forget that, it makes me appreciate what I have. Or-- well, it's... different, now. Malnosso shifting it back and all.

You speak such pretty compliments. My head will become swelled with them all. [Teehee.]

So it is a divination tool? [He smiles crookedly.] Such things are far better at telling you what you might wish to hear about yourself than anything true.

But perhaps I can afford to be jaded, as a man with no birth date.

[Good with the bed. Hah.] That is some good to be taken, I suppose.

What would you do, then, if there was nothing good to be taken from it?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject