z_jay | Luceti | Appointments

[It wasn't actually his business what Loki's reason was, so he wouldn't pry. He was, however, concerned. But there were some things he couldn't fix, and shouldn't try to.]

Coming right up!

[In short order he arrived with a refill, a fresh cup of it, still steaming hot]

Careful, it's really hot.

[Dryly:] I sensed as much with my phenomenal magical powers. [As in, he moved his hand near the cup and felt the heat radiating off of it.]

It smells lovely, thank you

Y'know, not everyone has such a common magical sense as you. They've gotta put warnings on these things back home-- er, used to.

[Nowadays it was kind of a more free-for-all. If you got yourself hurt, it was your own fault, not some easy-money scam.]

You're welcome, though. I'll come round in a bit to keep it refilled, okay?

The magic of observation. [Ugh this is so awkward. Stupidly awkward.]

Eugene?

I'm going to pretend we didn't have that idiotic conversation the day before I died, if it's all the same to you.

[It really hadn't accomplished anything at all, other than to upset Rogue and make him feel like he was somehow defective.]

[Thankfully Loki couldn't see Eugene's expression as he ducked his head, rubbed the back of his neck]

Yeah, you got it. Glad we have that cleared up.

[Loki was hardly defective, but they weren't discussing or even acknowledging that discussion, so Eugene would kindly keep it to himself]

But... if you need anything, just know I'm around. Do a... hand signal or something.

[He laughs. He can't help it.]

I need to be someone else entirely, I think.

Since that's not within your power to grant, I'll let you know when I'm done with my coffee.

[That statement was troublesome, but he wasn't entirely sure he should be respondi-- oh, what the hell.]

I like you as you are, you don't need to be anyone different.

[Rogue said Loki needed friends, not someone who shirked off when things became a bit awkward. Or more than a bit awkward. Still, he smiled, and his voice sounded a little resigned, but tired.]

Those are the only two cents I'll give.

[His mouth sets in a thin, unhappy line for a moment.]

I don't think I'm supposed to care what you like on that subject.

[It's a statement not delivered as an insult, but rather something he says because it upsets him.]

Why not?

[Everything was in tone, in the look on Loki's face. His own tone was kept soft, curious, wanting to know more than anything else]

[A smile that's more a grimace. He turns his head back toward the book. It doesn't really matter, because it's not like he can see Eugene anyway. But it's the body language of habit, turning aside because he doesn't really want to answer the question.

He is silent for a long moment, trying to decide how he ought to answer the question, if at all. Slowly, he draws a rune on the margin of the page with the tip of his finger.

The problem is, of course, he does care what Eugene thinks. And shouldn't. It's a sign that something has gone very wrong within him, it seems. Something that will only hurt Rogue. So he ought to take these opportunities to give Eugene the sharp side of his tongue, to drive him off and try to excise at least part of this problem.

Maybe it would be easier to do if he wasn't blind and simultaneously fighting the urge to try to find the man's hand so he knows he won't fall off the world and into the void again. Or maybe it wouldn't, because he'd be able to see his eyes, far too like the eyes of someone who never even existed.]

I shouldn't even be here. [He doesn't quite realize he's giving voice to the thought, no matter how softly, until it's too late.

But that's a better line of thought than what he struggled with before.]

It's too quiet. In my house.

[That... hadn't been an answer he expected, and it felt a bit like a distraction tactic, but maybe it was just as he had asked.]

You gave Jack that stone that played some songs a few times once. I thought you had those all over the place at yours.

[Maybe an attempt to be funny wasn't the smartest move, but it was genuine, and he did remember that thing fondly. Kind of how he wanted Loki to remember how they'd been before thing became complex.

So he waited a beat to continue, voice softening]

You're welcome here any time, as long as you like. I can even set up some music in here for you, just so long as you don't mind the sound of washing dishes in the background, too.

[Loki carefully folds his hands on top of his book.

It's not the same, he wants to tell Eugene. Because I made music, when I fell, to keep myself company. At least until I was screaming so loudly I couldn't hear any more.

Too personal.]

I could enchant all of the rocks, if I were in a mood to do so. But I don't tend to bother unless I'm moved to make a gift of it.

[Want me to leave and do that, Eugene? Is this too awkward?]

As you've pointed out, if I want music, I can see to it in the privacy of my home. You needn't concern yourself on my account.

[What doors the man want? To coddle him or drive him off?]

[Sometimes it stung, to have words so twisted that he had no hope of righting them, so he didn't reply, but wasn't angry, either. All attempts he was making were failing, so maybe he ought to stop trying. Leave, while he had some dignity still intact?

Wasn't that selfish?

Instead he stepped in closer, squeezed Loki's shoulder with one hand in a gesture he meant to be reassuring, or comforting, or somehow impart the things he never said right.]

Too bad. You can't make me stop being concerned about you.

[His smile was strained, but not in malice or discomfort. Just a sad kind of smile, and thankfully, one Loki could not see.]

[Eugene, you were supposed to go away. He's being mean for a reason.

But he's far more lonely and tired and afraid than he is still angry.

He hesitate for a moment, throat working, then reaches up and fumbles to cover Eugene's hand with his. And slowly, carefully, he leans over just enough that they touch.]

[Moving at this moment would be really criminal, and Eugene had nowhere to go of import. He kept quiet but his heart leapt in his chest. There were small things, indistinct memories that overlaid his own, but they were definitely a part of him, now. Manufactured by the Malnosso or not.]

You know that'll never change.

[Slowly, he rubbed his thumb along Loki's shoulder]

I'd rather you stayed, personally. If you find this place comforting, I don't want you to leave.

Do I?

[One corner of his lips pulls in a brief, wry smile.]

How can I rely upon this when it is something that wasn't real?

[And very careful, hating himself for it, he weaves their fingers lightly together.]

I would rather stay, though it makes me a faithless creature indeed.

You'd believe me if I told you this was real, right?

[From Eugene to Loki, this friendliness, a closeness that he wouldn't mind maintaining. They needn't be closer than whatever was comfortable. He shifted his fingers but only to become more comfortable.]

There's nothing wrong with me visiting you in a public place, right? Scout's honor, I won't drug your coffee without caffeine.

[He laughs.] I might, though well could it drive me mad.

[Not when he's got everyone telling him different things, including himself.]

Nay. You cannot damn me any worse than I have already damned myself.

Well, that's good news. I think.

[Everyone would tell Loki different things, based on the mere fact they were different people. It was indeed hard to seek out what one would consider the truth when their penchant was to create illusions. He vowed, then, to never be vague, to give Loki something to grasp on to without question]

Hey, if I say 'goddamn it' does that mean you have to damn it? Off topic, I know, but sometimes you just-- I wanted to know your opinion.

[Not vague, eh Eugene?]

Is it good news?

[He snorts at the rather silly question.]

I don't have to do anything. Only if I'm in the mood.

Your being around is good news.

[Words, he had fucked them up enough recently. He wasn't about to try and use them carelessly.]

Alright, alright, I've yapped enough. Your coffee's gonna get cold if I don't shut up.

[He wasn't moving away, though, and took to lightly rubbing his thumb along Loki's shoulder where it could reach]

Drink up, let me know when you want a refill.

[He chuckles softly.]

Such good news you can't wait to get back to work.

[He sighs and begins to pull away. Well, he certainly can't blame Eugene for that.]

Go. I'll finish up this cup and go about my business.

Loki.

[No way was he loosening his hold on Loki's shoulder. No, this was important]

You literally cannot see how much I'm putting my foot in my mouth. Thankfully I have two legs, which makes that more possible than it used to be.

[but he does lean in closer, facing Loki face to face because it would be rude to speak away from him just on principle]

I'm not tellin' you to leave. Nor am I saying I don't want to be around you. I'm trying not to say stupid things and it's not going over great, so I'm just going to have to deal with it. Please stay, I missed you.

[Loki tugs Eugene's hand from his shoulder insistently, but instead of trying to cast him aside, he weaves their fingers together and presses it to his chest, then covers their joined hands with his other hand. It's a much more desperate gesture than he likes making.

And when he speaks, his voice is very, very small.]

Then talk to me. I can't see.

[Loki hadn't told him that directly, but Jack had mentioned in particular what may have been afflicting Loki upon his return. He reached for another chair, scooted it closer and took a seat without pulling away]

I know. And it's... it's my fault. If not entirely, at least partially.

[He settled his free hand over those already joined.]

You needn't feel like I don't want you around. I'd rather you be around, considering you died saving me and Jack. Considering that we are friends, and I'll admit we need you around.

June 12, Action

June 12, Action

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